9th June (H day +2)

Had a bit of a hoo ha yesterday which I didn’t mention. The physio got me out of bed and somehow my epidural line disconnected so I spent several hours without spinal pain relief. They had started to reduce the dosage and I was doing ok so they decided not to reconnect it and let me continue with paracetamol drip.

They have also removed my catheter now and I have to get up and go to the loo . Getting out of bed is a complete trauma for me. I feel so heavy and have no stamina to pull my own weight over to one side. I  have to rev myself up to even make a move towards the edge of the bed, and the whole process is taking me about 20 mins. I need to have someone there to cajole me in to doing it. Or snap at me, lose their patience and make me feel like shit as one nurse (forever now to be known as “The Growler”) did last night.

I think my problem is that I have a terrible fear of pain – sometimes that is worse than the pain itself. I get very up tight and emotional and it takes so long to psych myself up to do things and this is corroding my self-confidence. Pull yourself together girl – it will get better.

Just remembered that I watched Mock the Week and that was definitely a BAD idea – it was so funny and every time I laughed I was in pain. ” I went on a ballooning holiday….. I put on 4 stone”

What you are not likely to hear in a school assembly…” Boys and girls, a word about registers…..most of your teachers are on one!” Well it made me chuckle.

My huge swollen belly is going down a bit – since the wonderful Mary suggested I drank sparkling water and that did a much better job than the disgusting peppermint stuff. The down side of the less bloating is that my belly feels like it is dragging on the floor and needs supporting the whole time.

Coughing is a challenge. I need to cough to bring up the phlegm accumulating on my chest from lack of movement, otherwise I coud be susceptible to a chest infection so as much as I hate doing my deep breathing exercises which make me cough I know I have to do them. Holding a pillow or towel over my wound helps .

I have taken a few short walks up and down the corridors today – drainage bag hanging from my dressing gown belt – not a catwalk look believe me.

In spite of the whole getting in and out of bed crisis today I feel positive and well.

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